


The Last Time

by carpethefanfics



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Death, Depression, F/F, Grief, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-21
Updated: 2019-02-21
Packaged: 2019-11-01 23:28:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17876804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpethefanfics/pseuds/carpethefanfics
Summary: There had to be remnants of her left here. In their house. In what was supposed to be their home. And she wanted the pieces of her that drifted through here to stay as long as possible. Because the smell in her pillow had gone. And half of her sweaters were losing the rose of her skin. And the light that seemed to radiate in each room had dimmed. Like the house missed her. Almost as much as Marlene did… almost.





	The Last Time

**Author's Note:**

> It’s been a hot minute since I’ve posted but this has been wasting away in my drafts so have some Marlene and Dorcus angst.
> 
> Enjoy.

  * There’s a saucer on the counter but no cup to be found
  * She stares at it with its stained rings from spills and leaks over the months they’ve had it
  * She can’t bring herself to get rid of it
  * Can barely bring herself to move near it
  * Her feet feel glued to the floor
  * Her limbs are heavy
  * Have been heavy 
  * So she just stares and lets her mind wander to days better than this
  * Days where she actually felt awake 
  * And alive
  * And not wrapped up in the dark veil that had plastered itself to her skin


  * _The last time she touched that saucer I had placed it there_ , she thinks
  * It had been weeks since that moment
  * Since her voice seemed so soft, so casual
  * _‘Your tea is ready’_
  * It had been weeks since she said that 
  * _Do I even have a voice anymore?_
  * She wasn’t sure
  * She hadn’t used it since she lost it
  * Since her screaming had left her throat raw and hoarse
  * She felt no need for it now
  * She couldn’t bear to take up all the air in the last space **_she_** had been
  * There had to be remnants of her left here
  * In **their** house
  * In what was supposed to be **their** **home**
  * And she wanted the pieces of her that drifted through here to stay as long as possible
  * Because the smell in her pillow had gone
  * And half of her sweaters were losing the rose of her skin 
  * And the light that seemed to radiate in each room had dimmed
  * Like the house missed her
  * Almost as much as Marlene did…  _almost_
  * She had been trying to run herself ragged
  * She tried drinking but the taste reminded her of school
  * Of the first time they had kissed
  * Of the way her lips peppered the column of her throat
  * She tried sleeping draughts 
  * But the dreams of her face were more vivid, more colourful, _more red_
  * She woke up screaming with nothing but blood and curses and hollow cheeks in her memory
  * So she stood and stared and thought of things like tea stains and the tears in the couch cushions from when they moved in
  * But now
  * Now even those brought her fragile heart to break 
  * That was the last time they had kissed
  * The last time she had said **I love you**
  * Right before a night raid
  * On a night just like any other 
  * Giddy and foolish and butterflies in her stomach
  * She tried to wipe her lipstick off Dorcas’ mouth
  * But Dorcas had gripped her hand and whirled her in close
  * ‘ _Leave it, it reminds me of you_ ’
  * One more kiss
  * Barely anything to remember
  * Something she had done so many times it was going gray in her head
  * But now she clung to it
  * The way her hand had comfortably rested on her waist
  * The way she could see the reflection of herself in Dorcas’ eyes
  * Not five hours later she was opening their door, wand blazing, fear in her eyes
  * _Something’s wrong_ , Lily had barely been able to say
  * _He was there_
  * She had escaped the battle with cuts on her cheeks and bruises on her ribs and pieces of curses oozing from her skin
  * Nothing more, nothing less
  * But when the door slammed open and struck the wall beside her
  * When she entered their home she found Sirius
  * Tears streaming down his cheeks
  * On his knees, in her living room
  * _‘I’m so sorry_
  * _I’m so sorry_
  * The memory of that moment is vague now
  * The shock trapping her mind in the world before this moment
  * In the world of tea cups and lipstick and the sweet smell of honey that are Dorcas
  * _That **were** Dorcas_
  * Lily tells her she spent the whole night screaming
  * And she thinks that’s why her throat hasn’t felt the same since
  * Why her knees are still sore, and her elbows are still sore
  * She had curled up against the hard wood begging to wake up
  * _‘Just have some tea love’_
  * Dorcas would have said
  * _‘You’ll feel better’_
  * But tea won’t give her amnesia
  * Won’t pick her heart up from where it shattered all over their floors that day
  * Tea won’t take the weight off her shoulders, off her mind
  * Won’t stop Marlene from thinking of the body, _her body_
  * Of how it was heavier than she remembered when they brought it home
  * Shrouded in the white cloths that lined the cupboards of the House of Black
  * _Like a goddes_ s, they had said
  * _More like a ghost_
  * But Marlene held her close
  * Cold fingers pressed against her cheek
  * ‘ _Wait for me_ ’
  * One last kiss on a cold, sharp cheek bone
  * And then she rescinded herself to a world without colour
  * Without shine
  * _‘I should never have let you go’_
  * Being in the house makes her ill now
  * Memories of their life tainted by death and cruelty and hate
  * The house is no longer the place Marlene thinks of as home
  * No longer a kitchen where they were meant to cook
  * Where she would drag her kisses along Dorcas’ neck just to hear her soft laughter
  * No longer a bathroom where the mirrors should be steamy
  * Where the bath was filled with flower petals after a long day
  * A place where Dorcas ranted about the silliness of her day when she was brushing her teeth
  * So Marlene sits outside
  * On the small stone bench next to the wilted flowers
  * _**The sky is too blue, the grass is too green, the sun is too bright for you not to be here**_
  * _You would love today_ , she thinks
  * _You would have loved today_
  * But now its just another day
  * Just another month
  * Just another year
  * And there’s a war to be won
  * An evil to be overcome
  * But, for a little while, Marlene thinks, the darkness has taken root inside her
  * And, for a little while, that’s where it has to stay



**Author's Note:**

> http://carpethefanfics.tumblr.com/post/182700020622/the-last-time


End file.
